Name’s Onigashima, but those who follow my stuff call me Oni.
This latest project of mine is exactly as the title say: A fan visual novel set in the world of the manga “Elf-San Wa Yaserarenai” by Synecdoche.
This is mainly a story focused game with branching paths according to your choices. Characters will gain (and maybe even lose!) weight depending on your actions. Certain choices will trigger certain dialogues and scenes. If you ever played a visual novel, you know the drill.
After this new update, it goes up to chapter 6, already featuring a bit of a branching story!
Before I get you that link you are so much looking for, can I interest you in joining the discord? That’s a place you can discuss the game, vote on SOME things, and keep up to date with the game’s development.
Also I would really appreciate if you could check and support my Patreon! This not only helps me develop the game, but also gives you the perk of voting on who appears next in the story. Last time, the Patrons voted for Oga. This time, the vote is between Kuroeda, Mero and Raika! Go cast your vote and help shape the future of the game!
I’m asked to name myself before I know what sex I’m playing as. Can always work around with load/save but not ideal. A default name would be convenient.
“meager 3 cardboard boxes” Don’t use digits for small numbers like that. Spell out the “three”.
“that contain all I ever owned in my entire life” Wat kind of third-world poverty is this mf coming from? Or maybe a monastery?
This guy’s thoughts sound pretty negative and cynical. “meager”, “not particularly impressive”, “the sooner I get this over with, the better”, “very unpleasant”. It does get me curious about his and these other peoples’ values, though.
Neighbor’s apartment is a perfect mirror image of mine, down the the leaves on the houseplant.
First sprite of Elf-san we see, the crotch+thighs junction is… off-center? Her face is just right, though. Yes to that cute fang!
The first music that plays (Elf-san’s theme?) is light and fun. Love it!
Chapter 2 & 3:
“a goddamn cold one” Eh, I don’t love it.
Nice to see the wg start, of course.
Overall, seems promising. The spelling/grammar side is solid. Art is a kinda… line-y. Could use shading or something to give it more 3d shape. I really loved Plus Sized Elf for hitting 100% on both cute and chubby, so I really want to see this adaptation succeed!
Oh hey, thanks for commenting! Nice to know the Mac version works!
Let me answer a few things, cause I can I guess lol.
MC’s gender is left ambiguous on purpose tbh. While I know that like, 80% of the demographic is male, and they were made with a male-ish personality in mind, if you are female you can still kinda imagine yourself there.
About the fact they don’t own much, it’s to really play onto the whole secret agent bit. It’s not exactly poverty, but when you move a lot and work a lot, you don’t gather a lot of stuff. It’s not exactly something good either, as they say.
They will sound cynical and kinda negative at some moments, but inside they are a very warm person who really is just kinda lonely. There will be more time to dive into backstory, but I hope to keep it short and simple enough.
People from a medieval fantasy dimension often have very different sets of values. Deal with that enough for a job and it can probably become kinda annoying.
Background art is a pain and I’m 99% sure you won’t ever see Naoe or his apartment again after chapter 1. That’s why they kinda suck balls.
This is fun concept. I like what is here, I wouldn’t mind seeing more day to day stuff or fleshing out the time within the first three chapters as the pace moves a bit fast for me. The writing and the visuals are good. If I had to give one critique to the visuals. I would be more of a nitpick, but say the visuals could use a bit of clean up, there are a few instances where colors bleed out past the hard outlines. Due to the sharpness and thickness of the lines mixed the backgrounds themselves, I think it makes it more noticeable.
I enjoyed my time and I’m curious to see how this project progresses. Looking forward to it, good luck.
One thing I noticed, you have some superfluous lines that essentially repeat what was just said. For example
-“Good morning Mrs. Erufuda, I am agent Surname with the federal government’s department of another world visitors, or AWV for short.”
-I repeat my professionally memorized introduction.
You can cut out the 2nd line and the scene would flow better.
Also I appreciate you making your own art for the game! It’s definitively a lot more interesting and has more personality than generic AI generated images. A critique I have though is that during her 2nd weight stage her arms are different sizes, one is thicker than the other.
Just played the whole game and all choice… there isn’t really an impact so far with choices. But I can see potential, It has music, however, I think I found a bug if you reload your save when the music is already playing it will play a lot louder. Otherwise, it is barebone, try to expand your ideas (pun intended).
Hey there, thanks for the feedback! So far, I decided to give players a small “handout” when it comes to the first weight stage. But expect choices to be a lot more impactful from chapter 4 and onwards! So far, they only impact the tone of some scenes, but you probably want to grab those affection points, they WILL matter later.
About, the music, I will have to check, but thanks for the bug report!
Forgive me for being blunt, but, ah… do you have any images of the game to show off? I’d just like to have an idea of what I’m getting into before I start.
Heya there folks! I am back once again, this time with the first big update! Here is what is new:
After some feedback, I updated Erufuda’s sprite to look, well, better? It’s more heavily shaded and references some more recent official art to look more “in model”. Here is how it turned out!
Besides that, after some discussion with the members of the discord, we arrived at the conclusion that she got too big too FAST. Which is why Erufuda got a brand new smaller stage 2 weight. Her previous stage 2 now became her stage 3 weight, which will appear in future updates.
Last but not least, we have 3 brand new chapters featuring Oga-san! They were quite fun to write, and I think I was able to capture her essence pretty well. Your choices absolutely matter if you want to min-max her, so choose wisely!
That should be all for this update! See you again soon! - Oni
