So I’ve been thinking this over for some time now, and I’m just not sure about this anymore.
I have ideas for games but for a fetish game I only really have one, and I feel it’s not that good unless I add something else to make it more of a game. Then when I add something to make it more game like I start making a game that’s no longer about sexual attraction or one that turns me off given what was added to make it a game.
Then there’s the fetish itself. I’m still turned on by fat and weight gain, so making a fetish game seems like a good idea. Though I have other issues, there are certain fetishes that either disturb me or trigger my PTSD, and while I obviously wont be putting them in the game, art is something that once you make it and release it to others they will do whatever they want with it and there’s nothing you can do about it.
I’d rather not have the character I made to be everything I’m turned on by start being used in places where I’d rather not have her be in. Though I’m not able to stop people from doing that. Though this isn’t my only issue, I also am afraid that due to my triggers I’m partially unable to work on this due to the fact I’ll need to ask for help, and previous encounters doing so on the Discord server has led to terrible results.
I’ve had people come into my DMs, after I let it slip that I had been through something terrible, and come to tell me that what happened to me was “perfectly normal and acceptable” and “no one cares” and also that I “deserved it”. Then when also asking for help in other areas I’ve had people tell me inaccurate information when they were supposed to be the expert, they even bragged on how much they were the expert by saying how easy it was for them to do what I’m trying to do, but not telling me, a complete novice, how to do it as a complete novice.
Also, due to my PTSD nothing is easy for me to do anymore. I have to go through while trying to push things out of my head because of it. I can’t easily do things that are easy for others anymore because of what happened. Asking for help is also a hard enough process without being treated like I “should already know this” when I clearly do not and can barely function as human being anymore without having to be reminded of horrible things I’d rather forget.
As for keeping my character out of harms way, I think I can do that by making her an OC and that whenever someone uses her, I have more control, but I’m not really sure if that will solve my issue. Though for keeping me out of harms way, there is only one answer, give up.
Instead of asking for help I should just what skills I have to make a game, or rather something that’s more an interactive text adventure (words and links), and possibly never release it, and if I do somehow make it forgettable so no one will do thing to it. Or the even safer option, not make it at all and focus on games that aren’t fat fetish ones.
Which is my problem, I do want to make one, but I fear the potential issues of making one and the fact that I will be unable to certain things that I feel is needed for the game (art and animation, gameplay elements like battles or puzzles), so I’d need help but I can’t ask or else I’ll end up in the same problems above, and then there’s releasing it and having to face the problems from that.
I want to make a more cinematic game, a masterpiece even, but I’m not sure I can really do that in a fat fetish concept, not because it can’t be done, but because I can’t do it without getting hurt in one way or another. Which makes me think I should just focus on a “normal” game which wont invite people to make horrible things happen to the characters, or if they do I can avoid them by not looking for any NSFW art from my game whatsoever, and block people who send it my way. Though that won’t stop them either, and I’m not sure what to do.
What should I do? I’m afraid to ask you for what I said above, but also I have no one else to ask. Maybe I’ll regret this, maybe I wont, either way answers are appreciated, even if I think they’ll be heavily one sided to be “so what if it hurts you, give us what we want”. I don’t know what you want anymore.