Im VERY excited for this!!
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i’m also very very excited!
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Grotlover2 Score
| Category | Total |
|---|---|
| Basics: | 20000 |
| Art: | 0 |
| Writing: | 305 |
| Concept/Design | 925 |
| Msc: | 175 |
| Total: | 21405 |
Comments:
A fun, face value text adventure. The setting of a lab is very interesting and gives the dev lots of flexibility in what fetishes and how they want to explore them. The main weakness of this game though is the lack of mechanics with the player mainly moving from room to room and experiencing a few different sub-stories.
Kilif Score
| Category | Total |
|---|---|
| Basics: | 20000 |
| Art: | 0 |
| Writing: | 290 |
| Concept/Design | 975 |
| Msc: | 125 |
| Total: | 21390 |
Comments:
Very short, by the numbers text adventure. I always appreciate when someone puts in the time to put in text for absurdist choices (like trying to take a sink), but something I did find odd was that you had a description for the main character if I used “look self” but it didn’t update and finally just didn’t work near the end. Not sure if this was intentional or not. The lack of meaningful choices made it feel very linear. The descriptions were very vivid and straight to the point, though. I’d focus on expanding the content and thinking of branching paths to add to add some variety to the game.
Juxtaterrestrial Score
| Category | Total |
|---|---|
| Basics: | 20000 |
| Art: | 0 |
| Writing: | 257 |
| Concept/Design | 789 |
| Msc: | 120 |
| Total: | 21166 |
Comments:
This project was definitely fetishistic. The expansion and size related descriptions were pretty good. in terms of writing, I can understand it’s a research place, but generally people don’t think of things in terms of feet and inches. I think that’s somewhat justified to refer to exact sizes in the observation room, but beyond that it’s unlikely that someone is going to just think of someone they’re looking at as a measurement. There are a few places where I think things could be reworded. I noticed a few times you had repeated words in consecutive sentences. that can make a piece of text feel stilted as the reader end up saying the word over and over again. I think my biggest feedback which would improve your writing is bringing your sexual stuff into a closer POV. Don’t just describe her getting fucked as being orgasmic. Describe what her hands are doing. How does he respond to that? What does he do with his hands or lips or whatever? How does that make her feel? And then with expansion stuff you can drill in and be evocative. How does getting fatter that quick feel? You mention that in the universe it feels good, but how does that feel? Does it tingle? maybe it feels like that sensation of stretching when you’re really full? Take the time to describe it for the reader and likely they’ll get more into it. I hope this feedback is useful for you! I really liked the project and hop you finish the other scenes.
Total points: 63961
1 Like
Ignore my edit attempt, was a title update but nothing else