I like it! There is a central driving story with stakes, things happen, the people have realistic individual personalities… The story has had real love put into it independent of the WG elements, which a lot of WG stories struggle with. Like the Hallmark movies you mentioned, this has a very “for women” vibe that contrasts nicely with the very masculine take most stuff here has.
Towards the end there’s a series of episodes separated by time-skips… I think those don’t fit well with the work as a whole. Levi and especially Olivia seem to flatten into one-dimensional feeder/gainer stereotypes. Olivia seems to become self-satisfied, not really interested in helping others, only focused on self-indulgence. The narration definitely goes that way, getting repetitive and monomaniacal.
To be clear, I’m for stuffing- and WG-centric content! I actually wish there were a little more in the last quarter or so of the main story. And, again, this story steps into a niche that is criminally under-served around here, so thanks for it!
It took me a while to to realize the art was AI-generated. Of course hand-made would be better, but I appreciate having visuals at all.
Now for the nitpicks:
Summary
The first time I read “the investment crowd” I went huh?, but after the second I realized you meant the investment banking crowd. Guess it’s just one of those things like how it’s not “the CIA” but just “CIA”, or “in corporate” instead of “in the corporate world”.
“Oliva gave her cousin a tight hug” - Olivia
“perpetually tousled as always” - redundancy here
“Charged” is a good word but I think you overuse it. Also “cocoon”, “testament”, and “societal constraints”.
“…the overhead lights casts her shadow long and slender on the walls…” If the lights are overhead, won’t the shadow be mainly on the floor? For long wall shadows, you want lights lower down.
“…indecision coulds Olivia’s…” clouds
“The soft, flicker of candles…” comma doesn’t belong there.
The art for Olivia’s dad - his eyes seem off.
You already know there are missing BGs. Here’s a list:
levihouseint1-8
levihouseext2-5
levikitchen
levihousediningroom
moorehouseext1-2.
Character art really needs varying facial expressions.
“hard to now throw” not
“…making it feel like a picturesque yule log video…” This comparison feels backward and wrong.
Artwise: Couple of hand touch-ups needed on the character portraits. The BGs that come later in the story can look pretty busy and overstimulating.
