Make a Fatty, Save the World, er, Island - Diablos97's Submission

Heads up: My writing was de-energized for a lot of reasons, but I wanted get something here. So this is like… 4 pages maybe? And incredibly short, first draft-type writing. So it barely even hints at the weighted system intended for. If at all.

Made via Twine, downloads as an HTML file to play on… anything with a web browser, basically.

Game link: https://diablosmx.itch.io/make-a-fatty-save-the-world-er-island

Make a Fatty, Save the World, er, Island

The year is… um, well, it doesn’t really matter what the year is, to be honest. Your name is Lucia, a 23 year-old woman often tasked with the hard work of fishing to help feed the people of the island. It’s hard work you’re regularly called to do, which keeps you fairly skinny, unlike your family and others on the island.

See, the catch is that your people are rather well fed. Big, chubby, and most certainly many are fat. Some bigger than others. That’s not enough, though, as your people’s gods of gluttony demand more.

Lately, they’re demanding a tribute.

The spiritual leaders are trying to appease them, encouraging everyone to eat more, to get even fatter. Yet, the ground trembles, and there’s smoke coming off the mountain.

Thankfully, you have a plan.

9 Likes

Do plan on finishing it because I likeit

3 Likes

Simple but i like the premise. Would love to see where this goes!

1 Like

I want More !!! I like it ! :slight_smile:

1 Like

Very late response, but… Make sure you’re giving players all of the information they need. Your document size for the game is way too small, and I didn’t know I needed to scroll the text until I did it on accident.

How do I get past the first screen like the beginning

it uh… doesnt do anything

Sorry guys, the way I thought it would work versus reality were two different things. I’ve adjusted the window size, it should be playable now.

If not, let me know and I can move it back to a downloadable HTML file instead of in-browser.

That seemed to fix it. Thanks! I look forward to seeing more!

1 Like

Is the feeding center not finished? just wandering

Grotlover2 Score


| Category | Total |

| —: | :–|

| Basics: | 10000 |

| Art: | 0 |

| Writing: | 225 |

| Concept/Design | 0 |

| Msc: | |

| Total: | 10225 |

Comments:

Unfortunate there is not a lot here to judge on. I could see this become an interesting tax adventure but its to short to judge a story on and there is no mechanics. I do hope to see this fully developed at one point.


Jux Score


| Category | Total |

| —: | :–|

| Basics: | 10000 |

| Art: | 0 |

| Writing: | 244 |

| Concept/Design | 70 |

| Msc: | 20 |

| Total: | 10334 |

Comments:

Obviously more would be better but as for what is here, my biggest recommendations would be to shorten things - leave walls of text for big moments or more traditional storytelling. I think text adventures are better suited with short bits of text with more choices in them. As for the writing itself, there were a few times i found myself asking “do i need to know this information right now?” As a text gets longer, this advice Isn�t as important, but in the very start of a text it’s critical that you engage and hook your audience right away.


Kilif Score


| Category | Total |

| —: | :–|

| Basics: | 10000 |

| Art: | 0 |

| Writing: | 115 |

| Concept/Design | 0 |

| Msc: | 0 |

| Total: | 10115 |

Comments:

This isn’t a game, the only choice you have either leads to the end of the demo or it gives you one more scene where the demo ends shortly after. I can’t really comment on it since there’s barely anything here.


S&S Score


| Category | Total |

| —: | :–|

| Basics: | 10000 |

| Art: | 0 |

| Writing: | 265 |

| Concept/Design | 185 |

| Msc: | 75 |

| Total: | 10525 |

Comments:


Squirrel Score


| Category | Total |

| —: | :–|

| Basics: | 10000 |

| Art: | 0 |

| Writing: | 310 |

| Concept/Design | 250 |

| Msc: | 30 |

| Total: | 10590 |

Comments:

What�s available is well written and intriguing, really selling the reader on the world and the stakes. It’s a shame there’s isn’t more to this as I enjoyed what I did read. Hopefully there will be more in the future.


Scores

Art: 0

Writing: 1159

Sound: 0

Design: 505

Total: 51789

1 Like

Thanks for the feedback, and I’m 100% agreed with “it’s not a game.” It’s 10 seconds of reading with some imagination. LOL

Anyway, I hope to come back to this fairly soon and flesh it out properly, using this feedback to help improve it. Including having enough to truly make it an actual game! lol

Appreciate the tips and criticism, and for your honesty. Thanks for hosting these jams!

2 Likes