Mikayla's Weight Gain Challenge

Little straight line story of a girl deciding to make a big lifestyle change entering college. Hoping to add more endings and make it a true text adventure in the future.

Edit: New Link
Mikayla’s WG Challenge - Play online at textadventures.co.uk


Feels rather like an interactive story fit for writing.com right now. If you add multiple paths to it it will be WAY better. I really enjoyed your writing though, so I hope that you will expand on it.


The download link seems to be missing on textadventures. Could you provide a downloadable version?


I’d love to see a branching paths version of this along with more ending based on what you do

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Honestly, I don’t care about the branching or choices or any of that. It’s good when a game has that, but I’d rather you tell the story you’re inspired to write. Let the writers who like writing many variations writre them.
The intro is good, but this line has a problem:

Removing my loose fitting medium college T-shirt,

That’s just what I would expect from, like, CoC’s player description page, which has to cover every part of the body and all the clothes, because it’s a program that doesn’t know what’s important. If you’re doing this straight- line thing, then do it and don’t mention the clothing when this girl’s giving herself a mental tour of her body. Like, at this point her drama is the weight gain and clothes are secondary to that. Also, just a little farther on,

Further down

This is fine honestly but having seen the first thing I quoted this seemed like more of that same problem - you don’t need to add words to make sure it stitches together. Just mention the parts in some order (or not) and let us pick up on that. You’re writing some college girl’s thoughts, it doesn’t have to have all this essay-like “Starting with”, “moving onto”, “furthermore”, “finally,” and so on. Have me expecgting a QED when she finishes with her feet.
Also, washboard like needs a dahs. Something something compound adjective look it up.
You shouldn’t write “3” and “4” like that. That’s for big numbers. “Three”, “four”, that’s the way for those little guys.
“far passed their limit” → far past
“but started with” → but I started with
“dtruggling” → …
“decided to decided to” → …

It’d be better if you summarized some meals “my usual breakfast” and gave more detail to others. The pacing is already good and as it is it’s too samey.

Anyway, this is all nitpicking. This bitche’s dedication to eating is mwah 10/10. Keep writing, keep going. Maybe don’t use that website because every actual text adventure with exploring I’ve tried there is laggy as shit, and sometimes things just don’t work at all. Damn cursed website. But if you keep posting there I’ll read it anyway. Twine is good. Fits in one file no problem, easy to learn, good tools, can host it anywhere, etc etc. People here can help you port overl should be easy.


Yeah I highly recommend a download button that website is quite buggy but downloaded quest games are not.

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