Hope you’re doing okay. I’ve been through really similar as well. Had a really bad mental breakdown after causing trouble for everyone for the billionth time and went into isolation for 9 months and thought I got better. I didn’t. Screwed everything up again horribly by the second day back and had a really severe panic attack. Gave up on being in almost any sort of community entirely after that, which is quite difficult since I’m technically an extrovert but with PTSD around socializing (among other things), but I’ve kind of reached acceptance at this point. I’m not a bad person I think, I’ve just got a lot of issues from being raised by my abusive mom.
I was making a big community-oriented multiplayer game here a while back. It isn’t the same any more because I can no longer handle larger communities like before, though. It’s still community-oriented, but it’s more for couples and friend groups of 1-8, since I’ll probably only really be playing it with my girlfriend and coworkers. It’s on my profile if you’re interested, by the way, but it’s a pretty massive project, might not even get done until next year.
Anyways, enough about my project, I tend to get sidetracked easily.
There are plenty of weight gain fetish communities out there and I could link you to a good one if you’d like, but maybe you need to start small. You mentioned you don’t have anything or anyone left at this point. That’s really a problem. I still had friends and my girlfriend when I was in isolation, and even then, my ability to interact with larger communities decayed noticeably over that time.
I really think you’d be interesting to talk to. We’ve had a lot of similar experiences it seems. I’m a very forgiving person, especially since I’ve been rather “unreasonable” in the past, so I can really empathize with anything you’re going through. It may be a little too late for me to get back into joining communities but I’m sure you have it in you to be successful and make lots of friends like I once wanted. Plus, your bio says you’re a puppygirl. It’s a little difficult to describe what I am (especially in public), but let’s just say I’m “puppygirl-adjacent.”
If you want to know a little more about me, I’m trans, started game development at 9 since it was my escape from the real world, 4 years programming experience, and I’ve been writing since I was a young child since that was another escape from the real world. I like gardening and cooking. Especially the eating part of cooking. All of my close friends say I’m adorable. I love talking about many things, especially my stories and OCs, fetish stuff (weight gain and lactation the most), and plenty of other things. I’m also pretty fat, very pear shaped. It’s quite nice.
Well, this got… maybe a little too long. I tend to do that. I hope we can be friends. If you’re interested, send me your Discord username over forum DMs and I’ll add you.