Intro:
Hello there my name is DelicateThunder I am new here and have been lurking for quite some time and decided to make an account so I can start making some games!
UPDATE:
I have decide to scrap the original story and make a new one. The idea of the game is that you are a famous person that ends up fleeing to a vault that you signed up for “Vault 133.” When you get to the vault you end up being the only one who made to the vault in time and the vaults staff is robots. That is all I have for now. Hope to get this game done at some point. I’m just trying to learn how twine words and getting familiar with writings stories.
Game Link:
Think of this as a short preview.
Vault 133 by DelicateThunder (itch.io)
26 Likes
Sounds like a cool project. It would be cool if you eventually include different starts depending on your backstory based on the games factions. NCR soldier that went AWOL, runaway slave from the Legion, Brotherhood member searching for technology, Enclave Remnant searching for the same reason. Excited for this progress!
3 Likes
Sounds sick bro, depending on the quality and, on your part, the finishing of it, this might be one of my top twine games that I’ve played.
That honestly would be pretty interesting I might add that.
I hope so that would make the game very replayable, I think the scavenger plot is actually pretty good as well but I also believe the added replayability would be nice. It would also make this project stand out because it would be more than just “I waddled into a vault” and that is the extent of the Fallout tie, it is kind of hard to explain I am sorry if I am being confusing 
Honestly, fattening up residents in a vault for the fuq of it sounds very much like a Vault Tec thing. Might be able to make an interesting angle to work there.
1 Like
Looking forwards to this. Always a fan of this sort of thing.
Here is a short preview of the game there is not much. I want to see what people think so far.
Game Link:
Vault 133 by DelicateThunder (itch.io)
Sounds pretty familiar to a story I read off of DA the other day, so far the premise is interesting. I’m assuming the plot is gonna be like the vault is full of robots who only know how to serve the vault residents, and because your character is the only one there, they start to gain weight? Correct me if I’m wrong but that’s just what the preview seems like so far.
1 Like
Yeah thats the idea. I might change it up but that is where I got the idea from.
i like the game so far. i do like this game have lot potential 
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Way too short for me to say anything but… it works, so instead I’ll just do a quick spell / grammar check…
Its strange once you are in the vault you realize that your are all alone in the vault. A Mr. Handy comes up to greet you. The Mr. Handy says in a british voice “Hello Ms. Midnight I am glad you are able to join us during this nuclear holocaust my name is Mr. Wellington.” You ask “Where is everyone?” Mr. Wellington says: "I am afraid madame that you appear to the only one to make it into the vault in time. Don’t worry the robot staff is more than enough to keep this vault running. Would you like a Ice Cold Nuka Cola? You are in utter shock. No one made it to the vault except you. Its already bad enough that the world has ended but now you are stuck down here with no one except robots. You take the Nuka Cola from the Mr. Handy without a second thought. Your agent would be angry to see you take in extra calories but you don’t care anymore. You then ask “Show me around this vault.”
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- “Its strange”… should be “It’s stange…” or “It is strange…”
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- … “your are all alone” … should be “you are all alone” or “you’re all alone”
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- … “nuclear holocaust my name is” … would read better with some form of punctuation in there, either “… holocaust, my name…” or “…holocaust. My name…”
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- You need to start a fresh paragraph everytime somebody new starts speaking so for here it would read…
Mr Wellington."
You ask “Where is Everyone?”
Mr Wellington says “I am afraid, Madam…”
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- Madame is the french version of “Mrs.” or used for “exotic” jobs like fortune telling or seances, probably better to use “Madam”, or just “Miss”
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- … "a ice cold nuka-cola?, should be “an ice cold Nuka-Cola?”, the rule to use an for any word beginning with a vowel (so A, E, I, O, or U), a banana, an orange, etc etc. Also missing the closing qoutes.
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- … “Its bad enough”… another case of “it’s / it is” rather than “its”.
5 Likes
Thanks for letting me know I want to make sure I do things right. I could definitely work on my grammar lol. I corrected the grammar mistakes.