As many have already stated, author would probably be a solid choice. So long as a person can type, you can send your work in via the powers of magic to your editor, and you’d have the protection of pseudonym in the event you want to hide the fact that you weigh about 1200 pounds.
@anon82925365 And I have to question your comment that telemarketer is a dying profession, given I’ve had three of the buggers call my work phone this week alone, lol. That said, what kind of halfway decent person would want to be a telemarketer…