I get what you mean about Grace, I do largely enjoy her character, it’s mostly that Grace and Rea both seem to genuinely upset the other characters frequently, and sometimes it’s almost random. I also find Alex and Hannah less likeable when they’re pissed at Rea for saying something offensive.
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That’s another issue too. Alex’s mother, brother and the teacher are secondary characters but still contribute via prodividing Alex money, the house and a situation to meet Grace respectively.
Ryan? He’s the best friend but couldn’t get Alex to gain weight or grow as a person in 6 years. While the 4 girls do both in a few weeks. Even Morgan’s crappy manager sounds more interesting, so I’m not sure what Ryan would add to the game besides “wow Alex you finally got fat”. Maybe he could become an ‘antagonist’ criticizing her choices or friends.
And well I already said what I thought about the character tension, personally I hope it continues later. The weight gain could make the Quiz club look bad, Grace thinks they’re not involved enough, etc.
Also took the liberty of making a poll, pick your favorite character(s) (multiple choices).
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I think the problem with Ryan’s dialogue - ESPECIALLY during the long block of text at the game start, is that he seems to exist more as a tool of the narrative to make the introduction to the protagonist and setting less reliant on overt introspection from Alex. Sadly, that seems to have the side-effect of making him less personable and more like a mirror for Alex’s own thoughts instead of expressing his own.
That conversation would be useful if it vaguely outlined basic stuff like how they met, how they’ve interacted in the past. At the moment, the dialogue seems focused on their present relationship which would be fine if it wasn’t the first conversation of theirs in the game.
Some tricks worth pulling in the intro that might help would be;
- Reorder the introduction
There’s a little more tiding that can be done to make sure the opening is a better reflection of the quality of the rest of the VN. For example, all of the dialogue that takes place before the conversation with Ryan doesn’t seem to have much purpose other than to reference objects in the background in a non-interactive way. We, the audience don’t really care why a student has a laptop when we’ve just opened up the game. What we’re interested in foremost is ‘who is this muppet in the middle of the screen?’ xD It’s ok to have a little introspection here, or have objects in her room that indicate something about her personality.
- Break up the scene by having some some cg within opening scene show up in the first person
If Alex watching speedruns is important, have a little cg pop up of her monitor. That way, you can also hint at Alex’s other interests… like say, having a few suspicious image files on her desktop… 
By dropping visual hints, readers can figure out more of Alex’s personality and preferences before they’re brought up by the conversation with Ryan. Allowing us to see the chat window during that conversation could show a lot via little details. EG: Ryan appearing in a friend list on the side of the screen (with a profile pic?) immediately tells us more about him without reliance on dialogue.
- Have Alex record diary entries
I think that adding a diary of sorts to the phone would help us not only track passage of ingame time, but also track changes in Alex’s confidence and the like through how she describes events as they occur in the VN. That way, it can be referenced at will without breaking the narrative flow, just like her notes on the main characters.
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As an aside, with achievements it would be Pretty Cool as a cherry on top near the end of dev (or afterwards?) to have them unlock items for Alex to display in her dorm or on her phone during that playthrough. At the moment, her background is mostly static (but the window is a a good touch and well-used!). I think it would be neat to see lil things pop up as her confidence and body grow (ha!).
I was hoping for a more inteactive style, but there’s a lot of work that’s gone into this and it shows. Improvements to the writing also mean that the critique is more focused on nitpicking than general stuff and that’s a good sign.
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I just assumed ryan wasn’t a main character and was going to be downplayed from the plot before the game ended.
He’s a lot better than a faceless narrator or faceless exposition though, imo.
But yeah, if ryan really is a main character (but I don’t see why anyone thinks he is) then he needs a rewrite to be less tepid. The way I think of it though, alex talks to ryan instead of a mirror, and ryan kicks the crap out of a random mirror that could be in his place 
Ryan’s neutrality actually helps all the other characters pop in this respect, imo. I actually think it’s a good construct. Assuming the author doesn’t plan to ramp up ryan’s role later and give him art and an appearance and real main character status. If the author planned that? Then yeah everyone’s criticisms make a ton of sense! However; if that’s not planned for ryan? I’m 100% a fan of his tepid and neutral stance on all matters.
I really think a construct like ryan (or like I said a mirror or whatever) is a good way to turn inner thoughts into dialogue, and dialogue is much more exciting to read than inner thoughts. However if ryan had a personality that wasn’t bland toast or whatever then he couldn’t really replace narrator/mirror/thoughts the way he’s able to for the player in the current iteration, at least, imo. Sorry for the giant rant in defense of the writing of ryan.
I really wasn’t expecting such an intricately designed user interface for just a demo. I am completely blown away by how polished the game feels. Props 
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Just gonna chime in on the fluff thing again, my personal preference for fluff is most likely below average, which is why i said minor and opinion based, @Kitsune is probably correct in that there was not a lot. Honestly as the writer its up to you to decide what balance you wanna strike. Take my feedback as a player who likes a lower amount. Idk what amount others like, or how you would ever please everyone, which is why no-matter what you do, i think the fluff thing is minor.
Ok so to add to the Ryan conversation, to me Ryan currently is fluff, his interactions don’t move the plot forward so much as give detail, in the demo. I could skip through most of his interactions and still follow the plot. Why he doesn’t pop like the other characters is because his role does not feel important to the plot in the demo, and all the little details other characters have that make them interesting and relevant are missing. Were not given a reason to care about him past he is a past(somewhat current) friend of Alex, as a far as it goes in the demo. There are all these relatable facets and quirks to the other character to make you care about them and what they say and think, but not Ryan. Now let me add a however. However if in the future in the full story his conversations played into the plot or effected it more, then his detail he’s adding is no longer fluff but relevant. The problem as I see it is how to make Ryan seem relevant at the time he shares the details not just when they would effect the plot. Which i like @chedders ideas like the friend icon and monitor, that would make Ryan feel more relevant to current Alex, and not just past Alex. Maybe its a more like a chat app with a star next to his conversation with his picture icon next to some text to show how close he and Alex are, because his conversation is favorited. It would make what he says and thinks more relevant and important to Alex and by extension make the reader more interested in him.
I know it was a demo and in my opinion is was good but just felt way to short I know there are other demos shorter but some are longer but it just felt to short but cant wait for the newer demos or full game
I really enjoyed the demo and am looking forward to the full game. @Tron , while it is important to look at community feedback, you should be making what you want to make above it all!
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I really loved the demo tbh, the mix of characters and how they bounce off of each other is really fun to read through. Although some characters are more likeable than others, i.e. I don’t think Hannah is a very interesting person compared to Grace or Rea. I also really loved the interactions between Alex and Morgan. She was very much someone Alex seemed to love talking to and came to her for comfort (and plenty of deserts). Alex can be a bit jumpy in her personality at times, like flipflopping between caketime and not wanting caketime, towards the end it seems like she’s more accepting. Overall the fact that this game is breeding so much discussion just goes to show how well made it is, and I can tell a lot of love went into making this project.
Thanks again, everyone! I’m reading everything that comes through, but it’s getting harder to respond to it all right now 
I do need to work on my pacing, but I’m actually really happy you came away with this take! This sounds about right for everyone at this point in the demo, rest assured they all have more going on than what meets the eye. Hannah’s just kept her head down, trying not to stir the pot but constantly ruining everyone’s fun~
I promise, there’s more to her story as well 
@cheddar Thanks for the comments and suggestions! I wanted to try and salvage Ryan’s role in the introduction, but I may need to swap him out for someone more direct. As touched on here, the idea with Ryan was:
Have someone that’s tied to Alex’s “old” world of high school and non-Caketime thinking. Alex is a lonely person, and for so long all she had was Ryan. Someone who just doesn’t share her kink, at a point when it’s becoming more important to her. Couple that with the new distance between them, and they’re only going to grow further apart. Ryan will come up now and again, but the role of “mentor” will shift a bit towards Morgan, and then to Alex herself. People change and lifelong friendships can wilt, and I wanted Alex to go through that. When it happens again, she’ll be better prepared.
But, that may not end up being the best idea! I do have an alternative in the event I scrap Ryan altogether.
Unlockables in Alex’s room/elsewhere are planned, but Toro’s been swamped with Aria and his Patreon. I won’t be getting new Forks content from him for a while.
@ButteredToast25 I plan to post regular weekly updates in the Patreon (sometime on Fridays maybe?) to let everyone know what I’ve been up to, even if progress has been slow. I want to keep everyone in the loop to know where their money’s going!
For now, the Patreon will cover Forks development, but by and large it’s for our upcoming game, Aria. Aria is a much more open-ended VN (much like I originally wanted to do with Forks) that’s much more transformation oriented (though does feature weight gain).
If everything goes according to plan, Forks development will be funneled here and on itch, Aria will be featured on Patreon. Possibly here as well, it’s just that Aria isn’t weight gain focused, it just has that content for the players seeking it. Nonetheless, Forks will continue development, and anything contributed will thus be going to both.
Once Toroboro finishes up his comic, we plan to dress the Patreon up. Until then, it really is just a tip jar 
@Xpansionism I’m glad you liked the demo! I learned that I enjoyed writing conversations much more than monologues, and I’m glad that cutting out the narrator for more conversation seems to have paid off. Alex is meant to be jumpy in the beginning, as she’s an anxious pleaser who’s torn over the new opportunities presented to her.
For anyone asking about Rea, it’s important to remember that, more so than anyone, Rea is a liar 
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I haven’t played all the routes through yet but so far the demo seems excellent. I really like the amount of story and character interaction it has but as some people here have already mentioned the pacing might use some fine tuning. In the end this is a VN so I think hefty amount of story is what it should be.
I have to say so far my favorite “NPC” character has been Morgan and Rea comes in second. I really hope we get to see more Morgan later. What comes for Ryan, I can understand what people are saying. Ryan and that professor feels like characters that feels kinda loose as they don’t seem to give much to the plot lines.
@Tron There is one thing I have to ask. You mentioned about this another project Aria which sounds more like full fledged commercial project. This is kinda first time for me to hear about that since I have mostly come here to check Forks. And for some reason this gave me bad vibe about this project being buried under that upcoming project. Also I’m kinda curious to know if Aria is going to be a sort of thing you originally wanted Forks to be what made you change plans with Forks.
I don’t know, it kind of worries me that Forks is getting put on the backburner in favor of Aria especially when Forks is frustratingly close to being done, and since Aria isn’t even weight gain focused. Don’t get me wrong, you guys are free to do whatever you want, it’s just that Forks is at an unprecedented level of quality and production value for weight gain VNs, and its disheartening to hear that its getting put aside for something more like Pirate’s Fate, which is something that we already have. From what it sounds like, all Forks really needs left is the CGs, some side character art, and the rest of the writing from you, I might be biased but it makes more sense to focus on that and pushing that out first rather than distracting yourself from ANOTHER big ass project, that way you have one game out and another on the way rather than no games out and stuck developing two at the same time.
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I actually love the writing in this game. It’s a great breath of fresh air when compared to the ubiquity of the “uwu i’m so moe fufufufu~” type VNs that dominate the scene.
I kind of agree with Buttered here, while i understand you want to concentrate on other projects it would be great if Forks wasn’t on some sort of backburner, it would be really upsetting to see it fall on the last hurdle of being done. 
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I understand the concern, it seems like Forks only just released and already I’m talking about a new project. I hope I can help shed some light on what’s happening:
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Toro has indeed drawn most of Forks’s assets, and right now can’t work on the biggest remaining pile (CGs) because we aren’t exactly sure what they’re going to look like. We have rough ideas, but we’ve learned that it’s best to have the CG’s scene written in advance. For example, in this Forks demo, the volleyball CG had to be redrawn because a few things changed in the narrative leading up to it.
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Once he comes back from break, he’ll finish the last two secondary characters. That shouldn’t take long, and then he’ll effectively have nothing to do. Switching to Aria concepts helps fill his schedule and keep us all as a team busy and engaged. We can all be quiet people, but we know we’ll talk regularly when it’s about business
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He’s drawn ~150 portraits for Forks, and is looking forward to trying his hand at something new. His skills have continued to improve, and he’s actually encountering the same problem he did with our first demo, where his skills outgrew our art direction and he’d struggle to keep everything consistent.
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Our programmer, @e123b, has had to work with my janky template project code since the beginning. He’s a professional with a degree, and he’s looking forward to spreading his wings with a foundation he’s 100% coded himself. He’s working on it right now while I’m patching Forks! While he is looking into additional parallax effects in Forks, the bulk of his work is done. He needs something to do too!
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I brought up Aria because I want to be honest and transparent on what we’re all doing. We are working on a second project and will not keep it hidden from anyone. I am not stopping development on Forks, and now that this demo’s out, I’m hopeful that I can release updates at a quicker pace. The hardest and longest part of the journey was finally getting to this point, and from here I can hopefully coast to completion.
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I’ve developed Forks through my own college graduation, relationship, job hunt, and the hunt to keep it all together. Like Morgan, I’m in a different place in my life versus when I began Forks, but in all of that time I’ve never left. Actions matter more than words, so I hope future updates can help prove that I’m as serious about Forks as I’ve ever been.
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If Forks were to ever cease development for any reason, I would tell you immediately. You and many others have looked forward to this project and are now even directly supporting its development, you deserve to and will know these things. I promise. I hate being left in the dark, and refuse to do it to anyone else. As of this post, Forks is full-steam ahead.
Whew, I hope this helps! Please let me know if there’s anything else I can say or that you’d like answered.
@maldy Sorry, I missed your post the first time! Believe me, I want to finish Forks as much as everyone here wants to play it. I’d never have made it here if I didn’t want to make a high-end weight gain VN, and I plan to make that happen.
@PaPaNa I’m sorry if I gave you any bad vibes, when we first started discussing the possibility of a new project ~2 months ago, we were worried it could cause friction once we opened the Patreon. However, I want to stay honest and have our work and record speak for themselves.
Honestly, there’s a better chance of Forks burying Aria 
. Forks has piles of content and just needs me to tie it together, whereas Aria is still highly conceptual. It did spark from the cuts we decided to make from Forks early on, mostly because I didn’t know how to code them back then 
Aria has more exploration, a world map, basic crafting and tons of secrets to discover. Rather than a mostly linear story, it’s open-ended and has players working to unravel a greater mystery, or choosing to ignore it for something else. I wasn’t ready to make a game like this when I started Forks.
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When talking about Rea being a liar are you referring to her wanting to gain? or the “tried to get hannah fatter” thing
Also speaking of the vollyball scene that reminded me of something. I really do love the art style and CGs so far. My only concern is once again consistency. I tried going generally for the biggest possible Alex route, and I find that Alex in the coffee shop scene (unbuttoned jeans) looks way bigger than Alex playing volleyball, Alex beside the showering Grace and ESPECIALLY the end CG with the fireworks
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That’s getting deeper into spoilers than I want to reveal, but I’ll go as far as Rea lies a lot about many things, but sometimes she’ll let the truth slip out. She just won’t tell you, but hopefully I’ve given some hints.
Yep, size consistency in CGs was always going to be a hurdle for us, and we’re going to do the best we can going forward. Toro spent a lot of time making templates for everyone so that each portrait would stay consistent, but it’s difficult to keep that in something as freeform as a CG. That said, Alex had just eaten before the coffee shop. While not perfect, the other CGs better reflect her true size at this point.
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Hey so I finally got around to playing the Demo and only one thing comes to mind.
WOW
Definitely a straight up improvement, it feels a lot tighter then before and the characters feel much more defined. I’m struggling to choose a favorite character so far, which is a good sign!
Also this conversation is long past but I actually like the more linear style of this VN. It feels more natural and I like the aspect of playing the same story again to explore a different side of it.
Either way I am floored by how good this turned out, and I’m excited to see where this goes.