I’m a straight male who frequently masturbates to sexually explicit material, much of which includes intercourse. However, whenever I try to do the same with anything that’s live action, even when it features BBWs and weight gain, I don’t find myself attracted to it.
I’m still a virgin, but I’ve had a nagging suspicion that I may not be able to enjoy the real thing. According to Merriam-Webster, a fetish is defined as, “an object or bodily part whose real or fantasied presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification and that is an object of fixation to the extent that it may interfere with complete sexual expression.” If I’m definitely into big girls and weight gain, but live-action porn of those does nothing for me, then is my actual fetish for artistic depictions of those things? In other words, do I have a fetish for depictions of weight gain in art and writing, but not for actual weight gain?
This goes beyond weight gain and obesity. I have quite a few other fetishes. However, in all cases, I feel like I’m more into fantasizing about them than actually experiencing them in the real world. Almost all of the material that sated my fetishes or gave me new ones was a piece of art or writing. Furthermore, I’m especially fond of examples that go beyond what is realistically achievable.
It’s my belief that anything is okay as long as all the real people involved are consenting adults. When everything that’s happening is fictional, then the only people involved are the adults who made it and the adults who consume it. Fiction accommodates what reality does not. I think that, perhaps, my real fetish is for fantasizing about certain things, not the things I fantasize about.
Hey, I feel the same way, and I’ve been in exactly those situations before. Its totally normal. Someone told me it was possible I was demisexual? I don’t know, I usually don’t like to put labels on things. Demisexuality is something along the lines of only wanting to have sex with people that you have a deeper emotional connection with. Or maybe we look at too much porn and our brains have unrealistic standards.
I’m not entirely sure where my feelings towards this fetish really began. I know for a fact that enjoy larger women in fantasy but honestly anything past chubby irl just doesn’t sit well with me. I also know that I’m not only physically disgusted with male artwork but naked men and dicks in general physically trigger my fight or flight instinct (more on that in a bit). I first found this fetish before I even hit puberty through YouTube Fat Furry art compilations (thanks YouTube recommendations algorithms, all I wanted was LEGO stop motion videos) and through watching those I eventually got to vore artwork and animations on YouTube as well. None of them were actually sexual in nature either, no nipples or bulges shown anywhere. I never even touched myself to them I was just generally fascinated by them and kept watching till I was about twelve. I’ve picked up a more fetishes since then (tomboys, milfs, muscle girls, inflation, some others) and have actively pleasured myself to them, however. During the sixth grade, I was the victim of bullying in the gym locker room and to this day being around or seeing shirtless men makes me uncomfortable. Seeing actually naked men or even a bulge through the pants or a mention of an erection triggers my fight or flight instinct. It used to affect me for women as well but I slowly got better on that front as of last year; however I still avoid pictures and videos of irl women. Because of that incident I have purposely avoided looking at actual porn, hentai, or other depictions of sexual acts but I’m not sure whether I would have avoided those anyway. I don’t even know if me avoiding dating was just apart of my personality or a result of me trying to not remember what happened. I would like to one day have a real and loving relationship, regardless of sexual or fetish appeal, but honestly part of me not getting involved with people means I don’t even have the slightest idea if I’ve ever been interested in anyone. All I know is that the thought of actually having sex with someone worries me and I don’t know why. I want to one have a full relationship and a family with a woman but I don’t know where to begin.
TL:DR I don’t know if I’m not a sexual person because of past occurrences or because I would be anyway.
@Anonymous264170 There’s obviously a big distinction between arousal and attraction and you’ve summed it up there!
@Expeng Exactly. I get exactly what you mean by “prefer to just imagine her”. I feel almost like it’s a respect thing but I’ve been in relationships like that before where I’ve missed oppurtunities to have sex because I was just content with the idea of them existing in my head. I don’t think it’s a necesseraily healthy mindset to have because, in my case at least, it’s like I put them so far above myself. However, if you find someone who has the same mindset then perhaps that’s ideal?
I don’t know but thanks for sharing that because it didn’t even occur to me that that’s something I do!
@BlakLite Interesting stuff. I seem to have more of an interest in the “idea” of weight gain. Reading into it and drawing my own conclusions is a lot more interesting to me than “the real thing” which is quite an interesting distinction. As Musick points out below, possibly “the real thing” may be more appealing with someone you actually love so I wouldn’t give out on sex all together just yet!
@Musick64 Maybe this is me being naive but I didn’t really think sex was linked to emotions. I thought it was an appearence thing. However, if a “demisexual” is a thing, I feel like that could be the simplest explanation for me? I get what you mean about labels, there’s a __sexual for everything lol but ours is important!
@ThatOneCoyote It’s difficult for me to say but I’d feel like it’s that abuse that is possibly getting in the way. It’s certainly not something I’ve had to overcome. Maybe if you found someone you were comfortable with you could possibly be open about this or just take it really slowly and if they respected you they would go as slow as you needed to and you can ease into it. A lot of girls can be really accommodating for this type of thing (others, not so much but you’ll quickly filter them out by talking to them haha)
@everyone I really appreciate all your comments - I have read them all! A lot of people are chucking in a lot of new ideas and I’m glad to see it’s not just me who’s a bit confused! Right now I feel like me, and a few others on here, have more of a fascination. Whether those translate to sexual feelings is still questionable. I’m thinking due to my past experiences, I could be “demi” meaning that I’d be sexually attracted to someone who I actually loved and had a connection with - this I’ve yet to try and to be honest I’m hoping is the case!
What’s most interesting to me is that there seems to be actual asexuals on here and I’m perhaps a little bit of a phony compared to some of them lol. So again, thanks for the discussion, I don’t feel so alone no more!
There’s just something weirldy wholesome about this whole thread, that you might not’ve expected from a fetish forum. I think it’s great that people can talk openly about their experiences and feelings on this matter, as to both understand others and learn more about yourself, I’m glad this thread got made!
Now a bit more on-topic:
I definitely started off more towards the “no genitalia” spectrum, but that’s for sure changed over time as I got more comfortable with my own sexuality. But I still don’t watch regular porn as seeing some dude’s dick being sucked, or them pounding another woman just doesn’t do it for me, I’d rather be the dude in the scenario if you know what I mean.
Also, I was really surprised to see so many people vote for the first option, until I thought about the idea that most people probably chose that as a “I can empthasize” rather than going with the other option, which could be interpeted a little as “I have no idea what you’re talking about” rather than “I’m not really that way”, but maybe that’s just me!
it basically sums up my early teen years, and look, I wasn’t even introduced to the realistic part of that taste, the first contact was with fat furs, and somes cartoons
yeah, I really prefer that, but today is more because I got attached to some artists like gillpanda,kazecat,sugarboy, RAMZI, etc because they were the ones who introduced me, and they still make great stuff aand also gave me impossible preferences ( looking at you gillpanda >:V)
I really like discussions like this. It makes me glad I was brave enough to make an account and get involved in a community like this one, especially since on the surface level it makes no sense for ace people to have fetishes.
I don’t feel I can add anything by sharing my own experience since it’s fairly similar, aroused by this subject but not attracted to it and whatnot, but I think it’s interesting that a lot of us seem to be some degree of ace. I have a friend of mine who was into furry stuff and he told me that a lot of good writers and artists (that he knew about at least) were ace too. Considering we all happen to be on a site dedicated to creating fetish content, you people think there’s anything to that?
You and I are in a similar boat as I don’t find sex it self or sexual organs attractive at all, and I too have felt weird about not.
Though I also thought this fetish in the same way as being that’s not what people are about but recently I’ve been led to believe otherwise, but this poll gives me hope that we are both normal and accepted here. (Well at least that you are but I’m not so sure about myself).
~~!!!TRIGGER WARNING FOR BELOW!!!
I know why I’m not turned on by sex is because I was raped in high school. I tried recounting this story else where but ended up having various people invade my DMs on Discord and tell me why I deserved it or that I should just get over it, or that what happened to me was perfectly normal and acceptable.
Through that interaction, I thought I was wrong about thinking of this fetish as safe for someone like me. Someone who was unable to function when dealing with thoughts of sexual organs interacting with one another or sexual acts being performed. Yet here were these people saying otherwise, it wasn’t and I wasn’t wanted around these parts and should leave. Then I noticed what others were attracted to around here and thought of their relation to other sexual concepts and began to see things in this new way of thinking they showed me.
Force-feeding is an un-consentual act, rape is un-consentual sex, perhaps they were attracted to the idea of what happened to me. this made me feel very uncomfortable about even coming forward with my story. The one people were saying that no one else would care about and that I should shut up about for that reason. I even had similar thoughts about other fat fetish things and was starting to become even more uncomfortable in my own skin as a result.
I saw myself as the monster suddenly, I was turned on by the thing I was trying to avoid and was starting to become less turned on and more repulsed by. Luckily I manged to finally see through this and see that people aren’t turned on by fat because of those reasons. Even still I now find very difficult at times and sometimes an image comes up that makes me reconsider (like a fattened up picture of corona-chan, which makes me think perhaps some here are turned on by morality and disease which are also possible associated with rape as well).
~~!!!TRIGGER WARNING OVER!!!
In either case, after what happened to me happened I started trusting humanity less and less. No one helped me during that time and everyone wishes I’d keep quiet about here and elsewhere. Not because it triggers other but because they’d rather not here about “crying poor little me” (yes they’ve made me aware that was the reason, I’m not just saying that). What happened with the WeightGaming community just made me even less trusting than I already was.
Luckily your poll has kind of changed that to some degree as I can see I’m not alone in the idea of sex not being attractive. I’ve thought about doing my own poll to see the relation between fat fetish ideas and sexual ideas to see if my very disturbing theories proved true, but I think I’d rather not find out the answer or in a brighter note maybe your poll has showed otherwise and thus saving us all the trouble.
Thank you for making me feel more like a person again and less alienated. I feel more like I belong here to some degree now. Thank you, I wish you luck on all your endeavors.
I don’t know where my sexuality lies. I like being asexual and I only masturbated at first because I thought maybe I could stop my genitals from working if I did it too much at the start or something (it was horrible). I almost never enjoyed masturbation especially since it would take a lot of energy out of me and I used to avoid doing anything creative on a day I masturbated because it felt impure and I got unsteady (I actually only just remembered this). If I had known of puberty blockers when growing up, I would have done anything to get them as I hated the idea of sexual development. So I guess I am asexual on a spiritual level. But I could also be paraphillic and maybe demisexual. I mostly get excited by fat people although my main love of fatness is from wanting to touch and cuddle with them (well there is actually a much more dirty part I like too). I still have general sexual thoughts but I don’t feel like they are natural I just played some erotic games with interesting ideas and they became a stimulus to be more sexual than I otherwise would be. I also have confusion about my feelings around sex due to being trans/nonbinary and consuming hormonal plants, which have reduced my sexual needs a lot but also made my body feel like something more worth sharing.
Anyway, sexuality is complicated and it is nothing to feel guilt over. You might be surprised that you can find girls who can enjoy you without needing that direct sex, but you may have to build things up in order to hold a relationship like that. I mean, if you read about or hear from sex workers, there will be quite a few stories where things are like the putting on clothes thing, but also people who just want someone to comfort them. I believe they say they not only have to learn how to be erotic, but also to be counselors/therapists.
I’m autosexual. The only person I’m attracted to is me. I’m only interested in WG content insofar as I can project myself into the female chaarcaters as they gain. I have no interest in sexual content, I’m asexual.
Yo! I want to echo this, from the perspective of a trans girl!
I always figured I was asexual & a feeder, but it had more to do with my relationship to my own body and sex drive than it did with any of my partners’ bodies.
I’ve talked to other trans bbw with a weight kink and it seems like a really way for our sexualities to manifest? Like, you can’t look at porn, because looking at any kind of genitals sets off your own dysphoria, but if you stumble on to stuffing videos, suddenly there’s this woman you can unintentionally project on to, and she’s enjoying something you know how to relate to (food & fullness), and it’s sexually charged without being sexual, and it’s empowering for her?
(And in weight gain media there’s also the general promise of growing more emphasized feminine characteristics.)
When my figure shifted on hormones, I shifted to being bisexual & a feedee so fast that my head is still spinning from it. None of which is to say that you might be trans if you feel this way, but like, it always bears double checking. <3
I am a female with the same mentality. I’ve never been attracted to genitalia but I’ve always found the appearance of bellies and stomach fat to be such a turn on, I can imagine in a similar way to how people like boobs and butts, even though they’re just balls of fat pretty much. There’s just something about the appearance and feeling of them that I love. When asked, I just say I’m bisexual since it’s technically accurate. I like belly fat, regardless if it belongs to a male or female. I would much rather play with someone’s tummy for hours than spend that time having sex instead
maybe you actually got this fetish. the difference between a fetish and a kink is that you can have a relatively normal sexual life without your kink like anyone else, but the kink just being something extra that gets you aroused. a fetish, however, is the main thing that can get you aroused. having sex is different from the bodies itself. maybe thats why you feel this way.
I’m not fully asexual, but I do consider myself demi-sexual. That is, I usually have NO sexual feelings in regards to what most people consider “regular sexuality”, but after a while crushing on someone non-sexually I start having dreams and the sexual stuff starts having an effect on me.
In special I get no reaction to most sexual situations with people I don’t already know really well, such as kissing, dirty talking or any of “the mooooves”. That is such a problem to me, because I can’t stand going “clubbing” with people(actually just the idea disgusts me -n- ), and specially because I get friend-zoned a lot, since I can’t “flag” my intentions until we have already known each other for a long ass time.
After a lot of thinking and decades of misgivings, I’ve finally decided that it is ok to be like this. If the options are between trying to force myself to learn to be “normal” so I can fit in, or wait for the off-chance that someone I like actually gets me, I prefer to wait and continue living my life as always between now and then. There are many other sources of pleasure in life other than sex after all.
That said, interestingly I can still masturbate to this fetish, but exclusively in fantasy situations(can’t stand photos or video, or even real sounds). So hey, at least I can still regularly get in touch with what sexual feelings are like through it.
Hi there. I’ve been with this site since its inception but this topic is what made me finally make an account and contribute
I only learned I was asexual about a year or two ago around the age of 23. It’s pretty tough to notice the absence of something fluid like sexuality so I’m grateful to modern movements and general awareness of sexual desire (or in this case, lack thereof) for allowing me to properly make sense of something that encapsulates my romantic experiences and tastes that kicked in around puberty.
The entire reason it is possible for us aces to have fetishes is because there is a fundamental, yet slight difference between sexual desire and sensual desire. It is very possible to have a libido toward sexual desire (doing the deed) while only wanting to commit to sensual desire (everything else). This is me. I am a heterosexual, asexual male with no desire for sex and a lots of desire for everything leading up to it which, for me, includes feederism.
I know the topic is old but I’m happy to shed light on this sort of thing and help people make sense of asexuality and all it’s subclasses which are real (yes, even you, demisexuals!) and mostly not chosen by us, just like all other sexualities. This past year and a half or so, I’ve done lots of research so if you have any questions I’d love to talk about them because, let’s face it, we’re all sexual deviants here. And the more we understand the extent of that, the happier we’ll be
There’s obviously a big distinction between arousal and attraction and you’ve summed it up there!
