[POLL] Asexuality and this fetish [NSFW]

Hi all,

  • I don’t know if this is too lewd for site, I can clean it up if you want me to or just get rid of it but to me I feel like it’s important

Bit of a weird one but I feel like some guys here might be in a similar boat. I’m a bit worried that I don’t find vaginas sexual. At all. I’ve never watched sex on porn, anything around vaginas, in fact I suppose I don’t even watch porn. I watch big girls getting dressed - that is my porn.

I’ve been talking to some guys at work and my house mates and they wonder if I’m asexual. However, my point is that I do have sexual attractions. I’m sexually attracted to curvy / chubby / BBW / whatever but I can’t do anything with it. I see a chubby tummy and something draws me to it - that must be sexual?

It’s all come about because I’ve had sex twice now, 2 different girls and I’ve gone soft both times. Everything leading up to sex, feeling their body in the club, wrapped up next to each other in the taxi home, snuggling in bed - I love that, it’s exciting. It feels amazing and I just want to squeeze them but then when it comes to actually having sex, I can’t stay hard. It bores me and I’ve realised vaginas actually repulse me so I haven’t even bothered trying to do oral. So safe to say, it fucked up those two interactions.

Admittedly, I had no real connection with them really but I did find them very attractive. Both very chubby and very hot. So I wonder if I did find “the one” or just the one who has a personality, maybe I’d be interested more sexually and actually be able to perform? I’d hope so anyway.

Basically, I feel like this fetish isn’t actually sexual and maybe there’s a link between being into something not explicitly sexual and being a bit asexual. Does anyone have any experience with this? Even just a like if you feel similar because I’m just a bit confused right now lol!

Or is anyone in a relationship where they’ve had to overcome this? How do you broach it?

Just to see how many people might be the same:

  • I get you / this makes sense / possibly describes myself
  • I don’t get you / I haven’t come across this

0 voters

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this sounds very similar to how I felt before I figured out I was gay. not saying you necessarily are.
I thought I was some sort of asexual because I find the idea of fucking men and women repulsive. turns out that I only like to bottom.

I still find BBWs attractive but it’s more in a “I would be so hot if I looked like that” type of way. I also relate to the not watching regular porn part. it feels strange to look at people having sex (watching furries is fine for some reason though).

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Asexual here. Never even pleasured myself, so I consider myself to be at least a lvl 57 Asexual.
I find the human body a tiny bit repulsive for some reason.
I’m not interested in sex, but I still like the look of chubby girls, the idea of the softness and all just seems pleasant. (Tho if I gad a partner, then I would want them to be fit since I would want them to be healthy.)

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Really? That’s really interesting, thanks for sharing. I mean maybe, I don’t think dicks do anything for me either though haha.

You know it’s weird, you’ve just reminded me that there’s no women I look at and think they’re really good looking, you know in the face, it’s always “yeah she’s hot (objectively)”. But I do know men that I would kill to look like and that I think are gorgeous. Yeah I’m more confused now!

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Haha I see, a veteran! When you say partner do you mean someone that you love? Do you feel / desire a romantic love or is it purely platonic?

Like I see love and sex and two completely different things as in I know I want to be loved and that can come with or without the sex (preferrably without).

Oh I’m 104% interested in love and romance. I’m asexual, but not aromantic.
So yeah by partner I mean someone that I love.

I see sex as an important part of a romantic relationship, but I’m not interested in sex itself.
I get that sex is a very intimate action and it strengthens the bond between 2 people (since our brain is wired like that) so for this reason I would be 100% fine with sex and would even start it from time to time.

Okay so to summarize: I want love and romance, I’m not interested in sex, but I do recognize that it is important for others so I would have no problem having intercourse with someone I love. (still a virgin tho)

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On the subject of porn, it doesn’t really do anything for me either, though I’d say I’m not asexual by any means. I don’t find vaginas (or penises, for that matter, - I’m mostly hetro) or watching the act arousing. For me it’s partly about how it feels, but mostly about giving pleasure to someone I love. I’m assuming this isn’t totally normal, or there wouldn’t be the volume of porn that there is, or prostitutes. I’ve never been with anyone I wasn’t in love with, so I’ve no idea how it would feel otherwise.

I do know, that for some, a fetish (I’ve no experience with this particular one) can be the whole of the attraction, and there isn’t anything much beyond that. if you appeal to their fetish you can get them aroused, but that’s the extent of it.

However, applying Occam’s razor it may just be that the lack of connection, or possibly performance anxiety, may be the root of the problem.

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I am one who is also Asexual in general. I sorta always knew that i was, but i only learned about it and had a name for the feeling at least more than a few months ago when i was talking with some of my irl friends on the subject.

I am also one who has never really pleasured themselves. I tried it once but i discovered that i didnt like it at all, so i never did it again. I am a person that is not okay with sex in any way shape or form, but i still would like to have the feeling of being held by someone i care about. This is not to say that i am only looking for a girl that is of a heavier set than what is typical, cause that much is not entirely true. While yes it is a preference of mine, i feel that one of the most important parts of a relationship is that the other person is ok with themselves in most if not every aspect of their being, and that includes being ok with the body they have.

I am 100% interested in having a romantic relationship, but im the kind of person where sex is a big deal breaker for me. That isnt to say that i wouldnt want to have some intimate moments with a significant other, but i will only go so far as hugging, cuddling and other such things while for the most part me and them keep our clothes on.

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I kind of get where your coming from. For awhile I was only interested in watching fat women from afar and feeling their weight and softness, but sex organs disgusted me. Eventually I sort of “trained” myself to not be disgusted around vaginas, because I wanted to experience a relationship in its entirety and to please my partner as much as possible. And recently I’ve met a new girl who is super great personality wise and is quite beautiful, but she’s also pretty thin so I’ve had to train myself to get used to the idea of being with a smaller person. I believe it can be tough, but if you find someone that you trust and are really into you’ll be able to enjoy sex.

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I long time thought I were asexual, until I found out that it is only skinny people that disgusts me (both men an women). In fat people the sexual organs have a much less prominent position, which (now that I think about it) pleases me very much.
Nevertheless I love sex, but it has just about nothing visual for me. And in fact with two fat people having sex there is really not much to see what happens at the interesting places. But watching all that jiggling is as good as with a single person. :slight_smile:

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That sounds exactly where I’m at, I’m so glad someone else is saying it! The lads at work took the right piss when I got onto this with them but it makes perfect sense to me to by like that.

That’s what I mean, porn is consumed so much but I don’t even get it. I didn’t think it felt good either but I’m putting that to condom + rookie. I really hope that it is the lack of connection like you say, I don’t wanna be some creepy guy who just feeds girls to make me happy lol!

I do feel like if you found “the one”, you could be open about this kind of thing anyway and perhaps they’d comfort you enough and take the pressure off just to be able to possibly enjoy it and in doing that you actually get that bond you need to perform.

@Maldio I feel like cuddling and the like is a very intimite thing to do. I don’t really do touching in general so to me it’s a big thing. I’m glad a lot of other people on here seem to be just interested in the romantic side - it makes me feel a lot less freaky!

@Skinny_Guy I’ve seen your posts on here before and I think we’re on a similar wave length so I trust your opinion and I’m really hoping that’s what it is. The only thing I haven’t tried is being with someone who I actually love and even if I did find them, you could open about this kind of thing and they’d likely be supportive which will take the pressure off and hopefully give me that edge to perform.

So far my dating life has been to prove a point mainly to my workmates so it’s been very forced, if I just let it come naturally maybe this won’t be such a big thing, who knows. My worry is that I wouldn’t want this to fuck up my chance with “the one” say if they thought you didn’t find them attractive or something.

@Lyratelle Interesting lol. I must agree that seeing bones and shit really offends me. In fact I know exacly what you mean, a skinny girl’s vagina on like porn actually makes me feel a bit ill

Thanks for all the replies and for voting guys. I really appreciate that there’s some other people out there who aren’t just all the same and I think my poll has proved a bit of a connection :smiley:

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I appreciate that you trust my opinion so much, and yeah you tend to give off a pretty solid vibe to me as well. As for further advice all I can really tell you is that you tend to find “the one” when you’re not necessarily looking for her. And as for the worries about the fetish ruining things, from my experience being a little more open about it IRL being attracted to large women is seen as pretty tame, and it shouldn’t be that big of a deal. I hope this helps you out in some way :smiley:

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I can definitely see where you’re coming from. I do feel sexual attraction and get aroused by watching porn, but sex and genitalia disgust me.

Edit: I found out that there is a difference between sexual arousal and sexual attraction. From what I read, it seems that arousal is more your body’s physical response, and sexual attraction is that plus the desire to have sex with someone. I wasn’t sure if I was asexual or not because i find sex gross but thought that I had sexual attraction. Now, i’m pretty sure i would classify as asexual since I don’t feel sexual attraction, just arousal.

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I’m very much a straight male, but I’ve never found porn that features sex or just some chick masturbating very attractive.

Sex I don’t like cos theirs another bloke in it, I don’t really wanna see some guys dick while I’m touching my own.

Vaginas I just don’t find attractive to look at. I honestly prefer porn with them walking or sitting, I’m a real ass man.

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I feel like I understand you a little bit. I am attracted to women, but don’t like the idea of having sex. I would try it if my partner asks. I have no problem pleasuring myself when thinking about women, yet I feel uncomfortable when thinking about being with them. I understand it’s different from being asexual.

Tl;dr: I only like seeing women but dislike the idea of having sex with them.

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I honestly don’t get people who say they don’t like a sex with their fetish, to answer the post above, it is in the description of what a fetish is that it is sexual in nature. It seems like it’s more of a fascination in that case.

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I love the transparency and the variety of personal answers here. I too dislike viewing sexual intercourse and sexually suggestive material (i.e. showing genitalia). I did not vote on the poll because I related in some aspects (empathized), but not others (merely sympathized).

Like @idk, I had to do some research to better articulate my disposition. I am an a-romantic*, asexual virgin. Before, I did not feel informed enough to declare myself asexual. I was not sure if where I was on the spectrum was considered asexual. When I learned “asexuality” meant “experienc[ing] little to no sexual attraction,” that reassured me that I identified myself correctly. I have “no[] desire to act upon attraction to others in a sexual way,” neither real or fictional. I never have experienced an urge for partnered sex.

*as in “experienc[ing] little to no romantic attraction, and are content with close friendships and other non-romantic relationships.”

My next question was, “if I am asexual, what explains my fetishes?” The answer: aesthetic attraction drives my libido. Yamhead hit the nail on the head by describing it as the:

As idk pointed out, this is sexual arousal, not sexual attraction. This should clear up some of the confusion @Altair123 has. It is sexual–I masturbate to it–but it is without attraction (i.e. wanting to have sex with the object of my arousal).

I might have some (very limited) romantic/platonic attraction, but that is exclusively for my life outside of my fetishes. Part of the reason why my attractions in public life are so minimal is because I am uncomfortable sharing my fetishes to people I know. There are questions of abstinence and celibacy that I would rather not get into.

To conclude, thank you @gettindesperate for the thought-provoking discussion. It is good to hear that many of us are exploring our respective sexualities. It is a confusing subject, but talking about it should always bring some comfort to navigating it.

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I totally get that, and I’m kind of the same. I do not like seeing sex organs, male or female. They both just kind of gross me out. I never really liked the idea of having sex with someone either. However, I do have a girlfriend who I’ve been with for nearly half a year now (which I believe is my longest relationship to date, though I might be misremembering the length of my previous longest one) and I actually just love her so much. She’s someone I have had sex with and who I can picture having sex with, though I still prefer to just imagine her instead of imaging myself having sex with her, if that makes sense. That being said, I love having sex with her. But she’s the only one I’ve shared that connection with. So I guess my point is, unless you’re actually aromantic (no shame in that, everyone is different), then maybe all you need is to find the right person.

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