The Gain Before Christmas

fat
video-game
text-adventure

#1

In light of the Christmas season (and having missed Fat Fortnight), I’ve decided to make a Christmas-themed CYOA game in Twine. The link to the very early, very unfinished story is in the link below.

The Gain Before Christmas v0.1.0

I actually wrote the first draft of this story on my phone while traveling for Thanksgiving, so I’m sure there’s a lot of room for polish. Right now, I’ve only made progress on one of the three possible character paths, and that one is far from finished. Between my full-time job, my addiction to Warframe, and the probably decision to write the entire thing in rhyme, I don’t recommend expecting frequent updates.

Even so, please let me know what you think of it so far. Also, I’ve never used a file-sharing site like this before, so please let me know if there are any issues downloading the game.


#2

I can’t get the game to open, I tried in internet explorer, microsoft edge and chrome, but none of them worked.


#3

Same here. I tried them all and none work.


#4

https://mega.nz/#!eKpBVSpZ!zEKwzgicwTIV7X6ydt07VJT_iDsTQxGPbyjSzRqq7Mc

Does this link work? If not, then the only thing I can think of is to play the game using Firefox.


#5

Got it to work, i think there is something that windows is reading as a threat. Edge automatically disallowed, while explorer allowed the option to override


#6

Nice story, can’t wait to see more


#7

By the way, does anyone here have experience with Twine? I can’t seem to figure out how to add spaces between stanzas.


#8

I have a little Twine experience. When I run the game (great start by btw!) I see spaces between the stanzas. What exactly do you mean?


#9

Here’s what the first two stanzas in the disclaimer should look like:


To all those who seek the story within,
Please heed this warning before you begin.
The tale that follows is quite the naughty one,
'Tis one that juvenile eyes ought to shun.

You’ll find people partaking in acts most lewd,
Baseness, depravity, bodies in the nude.
If such base acts do not your interest perish,
Then know, too, this tale shows many a strange fetish.


When I test the game directly in Twine, it displays correctly. However, the line breaks are absent when I run the published file. Am I the only one having this issue?


#10

Just to provide a status update, progress on this story is going to be very slow. I was in the middle of a burst of creativity when I first wrote it. In practice, writing an entire story in rhyme turns every couple of lines into an absolute ordeal. Between making sure the lines are rhythmically sound, maintaining a solid narrative, and packing in enough descriptions to serve as fetish material, this whole thing turned out way harder to write than I anticipated.

To that end, I’m thinking that a good course of action may be to divide up the optional fetish routes between the three different character paths. Instead of each character having routes for every optional fetish, it may be better to have certain fetishes limited to one or two characters. This begs the question, who should get which fetishes? The optional fetishes that I had in mind are listed below:

  • Breast/butt expansion
  • Lactation
  • Inflation (milk and/or cum)
  • Gender transformation (male to female, futanari)
  • Group sex
  • Bestiality (with reindeer)

Which fetishes do you all want to see Ava, Kaylin, or Rolim subjected to? I’m also open to suggestions about leaving some fetishes out entirely if there’s not enough interest in them.


#11

This is possible. I run the game in Chrome and see the correct display.


#12

looks really good so far def excited to see more.
Also, it must be hard writing in rhyme, probably takes up alot of your time lol


#13

I would personally vote on butt expansion or inflation


#14

If these options are not going to be available for all three characters, do you have a preference for which one(s) you want to see them on?


#15

Lactation, MTF, Inflation, and Expansion all sound good to me. Character-wise I’m most interested in Kaylin and Rolim.


#16

I’m sorry if this disappoints anyone, but I will definitely not finish this game in time for Christmas. However, that doesn’t mean that I’m abandoning it. You’ll just have to wait until sometime next year. I’ll update the OP link with new versions as I make progress, but I have no idea how often that will be.

If you don’t mind me getting a bit sappy, it’s kind of incredible how much interest this project has gotten. This is the first time I’ve ever made or posted something like this, and somehow it’s already gotten over 1000 clicks. In other words, this humble little personal project has garnered interest from no less than one thousand people. That number might be peanuts to other participants on this site, but it’s incredible to a newbie like me.

I had a few teachers in middle school and high school compliment my writing, but I never thought I was actually that good. So, please tell me, is this barely-started, fetish-fueled CYOA of mine actually well-written? Did anyone who clicked on the link in hopes of a good story just find a god-awful mess? Or is it just mediocre enough to be considered passable? Please be honest; you don’t owe me the courtesy of insincere praise.

Even if The Gain Before Christmas really is terrible, I still owe it to myself and any hopeful readers to at least finish it. I still have other ideas that I’d like to turn into writing someday. If I can’t finish this one story, how can I be confident that I’ll finish others? Regardless, I still want to say, thank you for your viewership and patience.


#17

Its fine, no need to worry. You are doing a great job! Keep up the great work!


#18

I don’t know man, it seems alright to me. I don’t write fetishy stuff but I can relate to the self-doubt. I think you’re pretty good. Keep it up. You’ll feel better for finishing it no matter how long it takes.