What do you guys think of IRL weight gain for your partner?

See emotional baggage in previous reply about “plain chubby”.

Right well they’re clearly mentally ill. If it’s off their own backs fair enough, get on with it, but if I had anything to do with a girl ending up on there that’d be too much guilt for me to handle because to die to be fat is so counter intuitive and illogical you must be ill. In fact not just ill, that’s actual suicidal.

not fond of IRL weight gain because there’s no anthro animals in real life

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You don’t to get to determine whether someone is insulted. And no, it’s not an eye opener.

We’re talking about IRL gaining as a matter of course. We should talk about the consequences, yes, it’s not all rainbows and sunshine. What we shouldn’t be doing is shaming everyone on this site for even thinking about it, whether for ourselves or encouraging others to gain weight.

And on that, I would kindly request you either stop posting in this thread for the sake of this community, or apologize. Whether you intended to or not, what you are doing is frankly offensive and disruptive to any healthy discourse on the subject.


I was only trying to express my opinions on the matter. It’s an interesting discussion to have because it is such a grey area, or I think it is anyway. Maybe it’s more a discussion to have in a therapist’s office then…

Well, to keep the topic going, I’d like to echo the sentiment that some partners could be into it, no different than many people here who gain weight as a hobby / lifestyle. I agree everybody sets their own limits.

Weight is an indicator of health problems. The weight isn’t the cause of those health problems; it’s another symptom of them (in most cases, whereas in cases like knee joint damage caused by excess weight that is a direct cause of the weight itself). You can improve your diet and activity levels - thus most of your health risks - without targeting your weight (as I understand it, specifically subcutaneous fat, the one that is associated with less risks than visceral fat), which unfortunately many people who go on diets such as keto don’t know or don’t care as much about. Many fat friends in my life have a good diet and exercise plan, but with no intention to lose or gain weight. But, it’s the gaining part of gaining weight that’s the real issue of the thread, right?

With all that said, regardless of whether or not we have this fetish, we all put ourselves at risk for entertainment every day (i.e. sports, drinking, driving places, meeting strangers on dating apps). Whatever you’re into, I can’t judge, as long as it’s just your risk and the risk of consenting others. I would not be opposed to it if my partner wanted to gain weight within manageable parameters that we both set. I also would not suggest it to - or especially force it on - anybody who had or has no interest.

A little straightforward for me. I do understand other people’s reservations, though, especially in the case of somebody who wasn’t interested before you came along. In that case :woman_shrugging:


I will remind everyone here to remain civil in their responses and try not to assume too much/jump to conclusions.


Obviously this is a contentious issue, there’s no two ways around that.

My thoughts are that your partner’s body is his/hers to do with as they want. I don’t think it’s any more right to suggest they gain than it is to suggest that they have to remain skinny (which is far more common, and carries its own, different, risks) to be attractive to you. If you are going to be loving and supportive you have to let them be who they are rather than change them to your will. But, when whatever the behaviour is becomes self-destructive, making them unhappy, it’s time to lead them away from that if you can. They may not want to of course.

Every single thing we do carries risks. A lot of focus in the media is about the dangers of being overweight, whether this food is good or bad. It sells copy (or impressions these days), mainly to people who believe that there worth is tied to being a particular (small) size. Does that make them happy? For some, sure, their lifestyle and genetics mean they can successfully do that, but for the rest of us?

Should your partner choose a long life or a happy life? Some kind of compromise? One way or another they will die eventually. Should you get to choose how? When?

Which is more absolutely risky - a meal at a restaurant, or the drive to the restaurant? Working out at the gym, or the trip to the gym? Should you insist that your partner drives as you don’t want to take any responsibility for their health (but make them responsible for yours)? A car crash could be a life-changing or even terminal event coming from a simple mistake or failure to anticipate. Is it any different because there’s some random element, or another person might be involved?

If your partner is into some activity that is risky and enjoys it should you discourage them? Does it make a difference if it’s eating to much or, say, parkour? Does it make a difference if you enjoy their lithe body or their chubby one? Both will have their long term consequences.

My father ate healthily, but too much, and exercised a lot to keep his weight down. He liked being muscular and playing contact sport. In the middle of his life he suffered a lot from joint pain from all the exercise workouts and that made him deeply unhappy for many years. In the end it was dementia that took him - was that caused by the knocks he took? Should he have lived his life differently in retrospect? Should I (or my mother) have encouraged him to change?

What is important? Isn’t happiness important, being good people, supporting each other, having a loving relationship, caring? Is longevity what you should strive for, or something else? Balancing those things is what you have to figure out. We don’t know what life will throw at us or when.

I know, I’ve asked more questions than I’ve answered. I can’t answer them. The thing is for you as a couple to figure out what you want from life.


WRT weight gain, until you start going over a certain threshold, I would argue that it’s what you eat to gain rather than weight on its own that’s worth more examination and care. There is a difference between someone that’s overweight but has a relatively healthy diet and a skinnyfat person that’s mostly ingesting processed sugar and trans fat. Weight gain’s association with other conditions (not direct impacts) is responsible for much of the discourse. While increased size and proliferation of fat cells does alter stuff related to type 2 diabetes, it’s glucose, sucrose and fructose intake (which may or may not be responsible for said weight) that is the overwhelming majority of the problem. That correlation and association may be reasonable in a lot of cases, but it does not equal causation for everyone, which is somewhere genes can also play a role. The weight on the scale doesn’t tell you anything about body fat percentage or subcutaneous vs visceral fat. Ultimately, the negative impact of weight is non-linear as progressive levels of obesity dramatically increase pressure on organs, fluid retention, skin infections et al. compared to being merely overweight and those are not fun conditions to live with and I’d never want a SO to suffer them for the sake of sexual pleasure.

It has caused uproar in the medical professions in the past (depending on their take on health geography) but there’s also a distinct correlation between chronic stress and several conditions causing premature death and that itself can vary depending on who, where and how you live. Does that mean you can eat whatever you like as long as you’re happy and relaxed? Not really, but I would say that’s something worth a lot of attention for people serious about this fetish beyond the fantasy.


I can understand a bit of hesitance on the part of folks who don’t wish to pressure their S.O. Into weight gain. However, I think that there is a bit of self-demonization going on. It is not an evil thing to do to confide in your partner about your preference. I don’t think anyone has any illusions here about the morality of attempting to force them to gain weight to ‘keep your love.’ It is clearly evil. If they are against the idea, then that is their choice.

I think it is a bit presumptuous to assume that sharing your preferences with your S.O. Is enough for them to throw caution to the wind and cave before your opinions with no thought directed towards their own thoughts on the matter.

It is worth a discussion with your S.O. If you are inclined to bring the fetish into the real world. Legally, everyone should be consenting adults who can make their own choices.

Making that choice for them, or attempting to, is wrong. Obviously. Less obviously, I think that denying your partner the intimacy of knowing your true preferences is wrong as well.


Since I’m a feedee and have been for many years, I feel like my opinion holds a bit of water here so I’ll take part in the discussion. I’ve been overweight a good chunk of my life and I’ve never once felt bad towards my appearance. I’ll always loved myself and I love that I can look in the mirror and see big pretty woman. However, for the sake of the discussion I’m going to get a bit personal. I was not into actively gaining weight until I met my partner of 5 years whom I am no longer with. He was the one that directly impacted my relationship with gaining weight. It’s important to note that he likes skinny and big women but you can probably guess where he leans towards. He made it clear multiple times throughout our relationship that I was under no obligation to keep gaining weight if I ever got uncomfortable with all the side effects that come along with being overweight. I of course let him know that he may have pushed me in this direction, but I was the one choosing to keep going in this direction. He was constantly feeling guilty when my knees would hurt when we went for walks. Or when I would breathe really heavy when we were cuddling. And especially when I couldn’t fit in the movie theater seats anymore at our local theater. But once again, I consented to and enjoyed (and still enjoy) being a big ass bitch. I feel like where this discussion kind of veered away from was the context of, most people know what they’re getting into and don’t really regret it. Unless of course they’re over a certain weight. Most people in this community don’t go over a certain weight because of the physical limitations that come with being morbidly obese. It takes two to tango. The only way I could see this going wrong is if you were forcing your SO to be overweight or if they were a disabled individual, making it easy for you to make them fat unknowingly. Being overweight, even by 50 lbs isn’t fun sure. But with any fetish for the most part there are risks associated with said fetish. Should we be more open and form game plans in this community? Absolutely. But should we pretend as if a large part of this fetish doesn’t involve quite a bit of fantasy? No. At the end of the day, so long as your partner is of sound mind and is consenting to being a bbw/ssbbw, not much can really go wrong in terms of regrets. If they know what they’re getting into and at any time can stop without backlash from you, there shouldn’t be any issues. Making your preferences known is a good and healthy thing. Having an open dialogue but reinforcing that you don’t want your partner to change is letting the ball fall in their own court. It’s up to them to decide what they want from their body, not you. My partner let me know several times over that I didn’t have to be fat for him. But I wasn’t being fat for him, sure it was a perk. But not the end goal. I was getting fat for me, because I like how I look fatter rather than slimmer. At the end of the day, so long as everybody knows what they’re getting into and agrees to it. I think we’ll be fine.


If both people are into it, I don’t see the problem. If only one is into it, and the other person isn’t but consents to make them happy? That’s exploitative, and shouldn’t be done. It’s a big decision that can easily have lasting effects, and while I don’t believe there’s any inherent problems to modifying your body for a fetish , you should do your research carefully consider the pros and cons first. A lot of gainers don’t even realize there’s healthy and unhealthy ways to gain fat. We don’t say processed food and sugar is unhealthy because it makes you fat, it’s unhealthy because they raise LDL and cause fat to store in the abdomen, elevating your risks of cardiovascular disease and death. Gaining weight shouldn’t be an excuse to eat whatever trash you want, if anything, a healthy diet becomes more important the more you weigh.


interesting. what kind of foods would one have to eat in order to gain the “healthy” way?

Minus what I sense is a facetious attitude, you have a good question. I think that gaining weight is the riskiest part (as opposed to maintaining your weight once you have hit your theoretical stopping point). That’s because it’s a state in which your body is getting an excess of what it needs. An excess of anything can lead to unintended side effects and harm; remember, even vitamins become toxic after a certain threshold.

But, people who are here are already aware of health detriments and are willing to do it anyway! Like I said, we do plenty of things that risk or outright sacrifice our health for entertainment. But let’s not beat a dead horse. I’m going to focus on how to do this in a way that promotes discussion rather than limits it. Anybody can feel free to let me know if I’ve said something wrong here, this isn’t exactly my expertise.

Here is what I’ve heard that’s worth discussing. There is the theory that if you eat to maintain your weight then occasionally eat in excess (like eating light on weekdays and relegating feasts to weekends), your body becomes more predisposed to storing the excess calories you eat. I’m not sure how it works so I don’t know if I recommend that while gaining weight. I’m not sure if it works, either, so if anybody has any experiences with that, that’d be valuable. But that’s just hearsay to me at present.

I think many people here might be interested in gaining weight quickly, which comes with more risk. Try not to get those calories from places that don’t offer other important nutrients. Also try to limit your saturated & trans fat intake. If you could, do try to eat less snack foods to reach your calorie total and be comfortable with gaining weight slowly. However, I understand that is a more timely and expensive route to some.

More grounded, though: If you’re going to go over your daily limit of calories, at least get everything you need: vitamins, soluble & insoluble fiber, monounsatured fats, etc. There is no question that seeking extra calories will come from mostly fats and carbs, so just take care to make those calories worth it in more ways than just pounds. A healthy kind of diet is a mostly plant diet, as taught to me by my nutrition professor (which doesn’t lend credence to anything I said above, it is just a fact I thought I would share). He’s by no means vegan or vegetarian, but something to consider while planning out what you eat: what sorts of veggies can I include in my next meal?


Basically fruit, vegetables, nuts, whole grains, chicken/salmon, whey protein and low-fat dairy. No red meat, processed meat, white bread or sugar. It can be difficult to gain weight if you only eat like this, but even just keeping it in mind and eating those good foods and avoiding the bad ones occasionally will be far better for your health than binging on hamburgers and soda every day. If this seems facetious, that was not my intent. I’m not judging people who gain weight without caring about their health and saying they’re somehow wrong to do so. I just want to raise attention to the fact that there’s more to food than calories, and there’s more to fat distribution and cardiovascular health than “genetics”.

hot take but…
let people do what makes them happy?

i’m looking at this from a perspective of someone who’s been big my whole ass life. i’m currently at 216 lbs and it’s the highest my weight has ever been but i’m so much happier now than i ever was at a smaller weight. i also am someone who’s struggled with eating disorders ever since i was 8 years old. realistically, it should be a huge cause for concern when your kid in their early teens is dropping 20 lbs in two months. i’m just saying.

… anyways.

being bigger has never caused me any heath concerns. ever. my knees go out on me sometimes but also so do all my joints, not just my knees. i have symptoms similar to EDS where my joints pop and are super sensitive. i can go up a flight of stairs and my knees will go in and out of place. and i’m certain that has nothing to do with my weight because my shoulders do the same. if i lean on them, my shoulder blades move too far and it’s really odd and sometimes painful. but beyond that? i don’t have high blood pressure or any heart related issues and never have had a single issue with my weight health wise.

weight does not equal health.

and health does not equal worth.

i know for a fact that weight loss isn’t something that i can sustain. it’s just not. 95% of diets fail and about 30% of the time, people gain back more than they lost on said diet. so diets?? are bullshit. (reference: “the fuck it diet” by caroline dooner.) so i’ve had to learn to accept being in a bigger body. a bigger body that wasn’t ever really intentionally bigger (until the last like… 30 lbs. i gained intentionally for a while early this year but learned that it’s not good for me mentally.).

and the fact that i’m bigger and happy about it means that it’s totally rational to believe that someone else my size (or larger) could totally feel happy with themselves and want to be bigger! and that’s okay! because sometimes, it’s better to be here and happy for a shorter time than to be here for a long time and be unhappy.

and i know i can’t speak for people who are a lot bigger than me. but i think that the meaning of life is to experience and enjoy life for what it is while you’re here and that you can totally gain weight on purpose and eat what you want and thats okay! because your life is yours and yours to enjoy and experience.


I think doughydawnie has the best take away. It’s definitely good to not pressure or guilt or even worse, trick, your partner into gaining. If they want to, feed them till they look like they’re gonna pop. If they change their mind, be supportive and remind them you love them totally. If they don’t want to at all but are supportive of your personal kinks, appreciate them as much as they appreciate you.

As someone who’s made a lot of mistakes recently, I’m not sure where I stand on it right now. I do think if I found someone who was a feedee, I would definitely love to indulge that lifestyle but I’m taking extra care going forward to be more attentive of others needs.


Having this actually happen I can tell you that’s it’s kinda interesting. So like, I was in your shoes and felt very guilty. I explained my “particular kinks” and she was like yeah ok that’s fine. So she understood. Just to be clear I wasn’t telling her to gain weight nor feeding her.

She was quite skinny and soon began to noticeably get larger amd softer. I enjoyed this but was confused and asked her about it. Turns out she really had been getting into the kink herself amd started subconsciously eatting more, like a lot more… like, shit calm down darling more. And I feel like this was my fault for enjoying the kink and leading her to do this for me but she’s been doing it to herself for awhile and i’m at the point where i’m going, “if she wants to then why not?”. So, I don’t feel guilty because we’ve had a descussion and we both agree and understand eachother.

So if you and your future partner both come to an understanding and they’re willing to do it anyway the by all means go ahead. But if they’re just doing it for your sake, you need to say something.


I completely agree. If you’re partner is just doing it to make you happy that’s not okay. My significant other was already on the bigger side to begin with, she wasn’t huge by any means though, just floating around the 200 mark. When I told her about my fetish she was taken back at first but we had long talks about it and she’s okay with it now, she just would rather not partake in any kinky stuff that has to do with her weight. 3 years later we are both very happy and healthy and she’s gained a lot more confidence in her appearance. We may not partake in any kinky stuff that has to do with my fetish, but that’s fine by me as long as she’s happy.


I was always happy and healthy being fat (just below 400lb) but needed to loose about 90lb to get a surgery for some birth defect - the doctors insisted that I can’t get if I don’t do it, so I did. It was easy for me and I got my surgery. This is now 2 years back and it made me literally sick (got a depression) to hear everybody congratulating me to my great success of weight loss. I hate it, really, so I plan on gaining my weight back. Whatever negative physical effect that may have can never out-weight the psychical benefit for me, so nothing to regret.
Being too thin can have just as much negative effects as being to fat, and the perfect point varies by large amounts for each person. I would have no problem telling my partner to gain weight if I’m sure it would be better for her!


I really like the idea of my movement becoming very slow and waddling and all that good stuff IRL.

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