I’m sorry to make this an outright topic, but I feel like it’s strange and unfair that the system is so quick to pull my post calling out someone for badmouthing me while also giving an actual non-apology when the same post doing so is being left alone. Especially since their’s is the one violating community guidelines:
Be Agreeable, Even When You Disagree
You may wish to respond to something by disagreeing with it. That’s fine. But remember to criticize ideas, not people. Please avoid: * Name-calling
I understand the whole “don’t criticize people” might apply to my post, but am I not even allowed to defend myself when someone not only reduces my side of the discussion, but they are allowed to badmouth me with impunity?!
It wasn’t “the system”, if you’d taken the time to actually read the report you’d see it was “flagged by the community” and is awaiting an admin response. You’re picking fights over non-issues, and have been for the last 2 months. I haven’t seen a single post from you in that time where you’re not getting angry over the smallest of problems. I mean seriously, getting this heated over the use of specific grammatical terms from a non-native speaker?
This isn’t to bully you off the website, but I honestly recommend taking a break. Not just from here, but from Reddit, Youtube, and whatever else is keeping you incensed at everything, it isn’t healthy to be this angry all of the time. And I know this has taken a wild deviation from where this topic began, but the only other way I can see this ending is you becoming increasingly angry and argumentative until you get permanently banned. There’s no need for that.
Look, I’m going to be straight with you. If you are wondering as to why you just need to look at the title of your post. We do not like members making call outs especially in threads. They generally illustrate the person making it is looking for a fight, are disruptive to the thread in general, and also disrespectful to the OP who likely does not want their thread to turn into an argument between two users.
Its ok to try to play peacemaker (shout out to @SirKata btw) and sometimes you do need to call some one out in a thread, but this is the exception not the rule and should only be done for the most egregious of violations where immediate action needs to be taken. Otherwise you need to flag the issue, message us directly about it, or take the argument into DMs as long as its consensual (remember its a thin line between an argument and harassment).
Im not going to pretend we are perfect in this either though. We can’t keep an eye on everything so a lot of stuff evades our notice and ngl you have been showing up in our flags so often recently we are probably judging your actions more harshly then we would otherwise.
That being said, both you an BP should have both dropped the conversation after the first post both of you made.
Look, I don’t know the current situation you are in or how you may be feeling, but I agree with Wulf. I think a break could do you some good. Its not healthy and the last thing we would want to do is have to consider banning you from the site.
I did take a break from the site for a day. I don’t look for fights but when I got back, I see this person insult me before giving their so-called “apology”, disregarding my points as just trolling or looking for a fight. Especially when said points were part of the topic and had evidence to back them up.
And the thing that irked me was I had found out about the badmouthing from a general notification, it wasn’t even a direct address, just them trying to do the suck up method of looking like their sorry to the other viewers while not actually being regretful.
If they were actually apologetic, they would not have insulted me in the same post as making their apology.
Edit: as for why I was back, I was trying look up new games and get updated about “One Potion, Please!” I did a cursory check and found this out.
Also, those flagged replies you’re talking I suspect are the ones between me and that one individual, gotchagacha, correct?
Admittedly, us using the flagging feature as retaliation for the results from the discussion were probably inappropriate, yet I’ve seen their tactic all too often - the minute someone begins to lose the argument, especially if they started it, then they change their tune and say “let’s stop talking about this”. If they were going to say it was off topic, I was going to hold them to it. And I suspect they decided to flag my replies in retaliation.
And regarding the doom video I initially posted, the fact that Itch followed suit shortly thereafter, and now there’s the fact there’re the attempts to make it mandatory to show ID in order to access the internet, proves that there was some cause for concern. I’m sorry if others felt it was inappropriate, but the writing was on the wall the minute I read that title. And, this is a porn site.
And I apologize for causing distress with that news on top of the site feedback issue, I imagine you did not appreciate my comments (in fact, you probably wanted to ban me then and there during the The slippery slope of site enshitification topic discussion).
I had believed it had been pertinent to share news regarding Steam, especially since there are devs on this site that had posted on that platform (Tribal Hunter and The Pirate’s Fate come to mind). And, while I hadn’t outright predicted Itch.io was going to follow suit so soon, Collective Shout stating their intent was definitely a warning that I felt needed to be shared.
The specific moderation thresholds and mechanics a forum uses are not typically presented for everyone to know, because it allows people to grief the forum easier via exploiting mechanics, but you should understand that commonly multiple reports/flags will get a post pulled by automated systems, because that tends to mean that it’s especially inflammatory or egregious. The most likely reason why your post got pulled and someone else’s didn’t is because yours received multiple reports from multiple independent users, while theirs only received your report. I cannot guarantee this, as I am not a moderator of this forum, but I’ve been a moderator before and these systems serve to catch things when the moderation staff is not available. If there appears to be a discrepancy in application of the rules, it’s likely because of this - your posts received more flags than the automated threshold for removal pending moderation attention, while theirs did not and stayed up for manual review.
In the forums I moderated, the system existed in this way both to prevent people from being able to forcibly “mute” a user for the whole board by simply flagging their posts over a disagreement and to prevent the forum from descending into unmoderated anarchy every night when the majority of moderators were asleep.
Based on your overall posting style, and especially on the threads where you get heated, I suspect it’s a matter of your particular manner of writing coming off as more abrasive than other posters who you’re having a disagreement with. When an argument in breach of forum policy occurs, observers will tend to assign blame to the side which is perceived as “starting it” - reporting the individual they consider to be the offender rather than both sides. Due to the manner in which you currently express yourself when someone disagrees with you, that is most likely going to be you.
All rules have a social side to their interpretation and application, regardless of whether or not that’s necessarily for the best in any given circumstance. Especially when the nature of what violates something as malleable as “agreeableness” is left to the judgment of whatever users happen to read the thing and press the flag button. It’s a good idea to shape your statements to keep this “invisible audience” in mind - the rule of ten applies here. For every post, there are ten people with accounts who are reading it but not posting (and, for less-age-gated stuff, 90 additional people without an account reading it). Since any of those people can flag your post as a violation without ever engaging with you otherwise, you’re better off softening the phrasing of your statements more than you presently do to avoid falling afoul of that silent crowd.
Are they really doing that because they’re losing, though?
From what I’ve seen of you recently, it seems like you have a hard time letting go of arguments. That tendency is explained all too well if you have the mentality that walking away is an admission of defeat. It’s not always, though. Sometimes, the point of contention just isn’t important enough to be worth all that effort and emotional energy. Other times, people simply get tired of arguing. Or maybe they realize early on that you’re too stubborn to be persuaded, and they just decide to leave you alone.
If you’re consistently pushing arguments to the point that people ask you to just stop, that doesn’t necessarily mean that everyone else is arguing in bad faith. It could also mean that you’re taking little things too seriously, and other people don’t see the value in continuing to argue with you over them.
Because the best thing to do and the one which does not negatively affect the community is to report guideline infringement to the moderators instead of engaging in pubic flame wars that solve nothing but fill the site with trash-posts.
Oftentimes, yes.
I personally know someone who will say “ we’ll talk later”, when they start getting to a point that they have no actual counter arguments to a topic that they might not be correct on. And take account, this is actually might.
And I’ve worked with someone who has often dodged responsibility at the job, and when I brought up their own words to hold them to said words, they claimed not to remember when they clearly did. And this guy was a manager.
And that’s not getting into the fact that I’ve seen plenty of debates where nonsense or deflection is used to shut down the opposition by the losing side.
So, apologies if I’m seeing patterns that others don’t see.
This is a internet fetish forum full of strangers you will never meet. There’s no need to try to “win” these arguments or cause them. Nothing is going to get accomplished that way. No one’s opinion is going to get swayed that way.
You are assigning strategic forethought to interactions which are, on the whole, emotionally-driven. Most people don’t go into a disagreement or argument with a plan, they simply react to the feelings in the moment. In fact, most disagreements/arguments quickly stop being about the factual basis of the materials in question and start being about the emotions themselves - people feel hurt when things they believe in are attacked in a public forum, and will double-down to shield themselves from that hurt.
This is why internet arguments are, on the whole, pointless. In fact, arguing with people tends to result in the backfire effect - causing them to cling to their original beliefs even more strongly due to having to further rationalize and internally justify them to emotionally protect themselves from the unpleasantness of being openly socially challenged.
Human beings have higher-order thinking, yes, but that ability sits on top of millions of years of animal survival instincts which take priority whenever something is perceived as a “threat”… and the risk of losing status in a social species is absolutely a threat. As such, you cannot truly change minds when trying to force the point via argument. It simply does not work. The situation turns into a social dominance contest instead of an exchange of ideas, and almost nobody is going to come away going “I felt some good points were discussed today.”
Instead all you get is “wow, what an asshole.” Which, if advancing your ideas is the intended point, is actively counterproductive.
Bro i don’t even know the whole thing nor do i want to, but i’ll just take a guess and tell ya this: it’s ok to have disagreements with other people, HOWEVER it is NOT ok to make it 10 times bigger than what it is
Like seriously mate i don’t want to sound offensive or anything but grow up, this ain’t that deep
Being honest, I’ve seen people get bullied and harassed to extreme lengths, and the harasser is never punished. Yet as soon as the harassee blows up, they’re banned for a week or more. Frankly, bullies get it way too easy in life, IMO.
Yeah, that’s due to the perception issue. Small needles don’t raise eyebrows, but a large explosion does. It’s never about who’s actually at fault, it’s entirely about who’s seen as at fault - which is why coming off as abrasive or unpleasant from the outset doesn’t do you any favors. People who play to the crowd can get away with murder, people who are authentic in their presentation in a way that isn’t accepted get preemptively assigned the role of either designated victim or unacceptably antagonistic.
This isn’t a value judgment. I grew up the bullied one, not the bully. But I spent a long time figuring out the hows and whys as far as what makes that sort of thing happen. It’s all about perceptions and presentation. Which sucks, honestly, but… here we are regardless.